My Story by Iain

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Name: Iain Dunn
Age: 26 (27 in April)
Sex: Male
Conditions: Epileptic, anxiety/depression and Functional Neurological Disorder

My epilepsy was diagnosed when I was 18 when I showed signs of 'dissociative/absence seizures'. My mental conscious would compltley disappear and I would be dazed and confused afterwards. This would happen 5/6 times a day at its worst. After an EEG (brain scan) I showed unusual brain waves matching those of an Epileptic patient. I was told they were not severe enough for a full tonic clonic seizure. After hearing this diagnosis, it was roughly a year later I had my first full blown seizure. I can remember having a conversation with a man that came out to fix the dishwasher, next thing I remember im in my living room in just my pants with 3 paramedics staring at me whilst im wearing an oxygen mask and every single muscle in my body on absolute fire. I was promptly taken to hospital for observation with not even the ability to remember my own name, let alone where I was or what had happend, my parents had just returned from a holiday and went straight to the hospital when they heard the news. Don't worry, I wont go into such detail on every single one of my seizures, just wanted to give an insight into my first one and show that this is what a typical one is like. Some have been better and some worse, for instance during one of my seizures I was face first on a patio constantly grinding my face on the ground whilst my friend didn't think to move me from this position, I lost a huge chunk of skin off my forehead as a result and occasionally it goes completley red where I presume it didn't heal properly. I also had one in a warehouse at my former employer where I fell face first onto a concrete floor, 6ft 2" and 21st was a tall and heavy distance and I ended up biting through my own lip as a result of the seizure I have since been told there was a very significant pool of blood around me and I remember feeling a section of my upper lip hanging off, this required 3 very painfull stitches and half of one of my front teeth being broken off. The final seizure I shall bore you of, was mid driving lesson where a poor 70 year old man with a serious spine problem had to haul my chunky arse out of the car onto the pavement in order to put me into the recovery position as I have a habit of stoping breathing.

My depression/anxiety has been on and off for a long time but I didn't feel the need to seek medical help as I felt it was just stupid and I should just get on with life. Later on however, it was becoming a serious problem and I found it nigh on impossible to leave my bedroom or keep up friendships. I was lucky enough to have great people around me who understood and helped me. Also there is a history of depression (and epilepsy thanks mum haha) in my family. After numerous anti depressant medication I believe I have found the correct one with Venlaxafine, perhaps a higher dose is nescercary but we shall see. There are still bad days, but I would no longer consider myself as suicidal.

Functional Neurological Disorder, bear with me on this one as not even Neurologists or Psychologists properly understand it. It is a very broad condition, mine shows itself as seizures almost identical to my epileptic seizures. For some people it is very different including people that show every single sign of a stroke, blindness or even paralysis, however there is nothing physically wrong with the body itself or the nervous system. It is usualy developed as a form of extreme psychological stress including PTSD or abuse as a child. I have had neither of these things so to say it is a complete mystery to medical professionals and myself is an understatement. It is also because of this I am on anti depressants to help combat the symptoms. My memory has become little more than a joke as of the past year, I now have a 'to do list' on my phone including things as simple as take medication or hoover bedroom etc. On the subject of medication, both the Venlaxafine and Lamotrigene I am on are very strong anti depressants often used for bi polar and schizophrenic patients making me incredibly fatigued at all times and occasionally I feel high purely from taking my day to day medication.

This all affects the people around me including my parents, fiance and friends. I feel constantly like a burden, purely just bringing them down. I often don't feel that I even deserve people around me that care, which is just beyond ridiculous but it all seems so real in my mind.

This is me. This is my story. This is my life, there is more but this is becoming an essay and im sure im boring you all haha. Thank you again for taking the time to read this, and I hope people feel able to share their inner thoughts and feelings as I have just done. Iain x