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YANA :: Me :: A background of myself
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Confidence
by Admin Sat Apr 22, 2017 2:35 pm
I would like to write a section regarding my self-confidence.
I always used to be a confident person, anybody that knows me would agree. At 6ft 2” and 20st im a big lad, and a big fan of loud clothes it is very difficult to miss me haha. I never had a problem talking to other people, male or female, and half the time you would have a problem getting me to stop talking. I’ve always been outgoing, caring, loving, and loyal to a fault.
Over the past couple of years, all of this has COMPLTLEY vanished, other than my love of bright coloured clothes, but even then, that has been toned right down. This may be down to losing my only job of 9 years, my huge increase of seizures or my medications or my depression/anxiety or a huge mixing pot of all the above.
Iv easily lost 80% of my friendship groups and spend the vast majority of my time sat at home in my room thinking about how much of a burden I have become to everyone around me. I mentally link a lot of this to being overweight, perhaps then I will feel more attractive and desired (here’s to hoping). I’m sure this isn’t the case, but its where my mind lies. My appetite has taken a huge nose dive the past 3 months or so due to medication change, to the point I currently average 1 proper meal every 2/3 days. This isn’t through conscious choice, I’m not sure whether it is 100% due to my medication or a subconscious wanting to lose weight to feel better about myself. It’s been awhile since I have been diagnosed with something, so I’m sure Anorexia is next on the list.
I’m waiting for another course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which is therapy based more at the current situation than dealing with problems in the past. I’m hoping (praying) this will help me more in coming out of my shell again and learn how to be around other people better than I am currently. Unfortunately, like everything else I currently have going on I have very little faith in anything changing at all.
I guess that is part of the problem with all invisible illnesses, because nobody can see anything is wrong, even people that are aware of the situation, it’s almost like living a double life in that there is the version of yourself that everybody can see, and the version of yourself where you know and only you know 100% of the issue.
That is another part of the reason of this forum. On a more personal note, it tells all my family and friends what is happening in my mind, all of the time, and it is exhausting.
Iain x
I always used to be a confident person, anybody that knows me would agree. At 6ft 2” and 20st im a big lad, and a big fan of loud clothes it is very difficult to miss me haha. I never had a problem talking to other people, male or female, and half the time you would have a problem getting me to stop talking. I’ve always been outgoing, caring, loving, and loyal to a fault.
Over the past couple of years, all of this has COMPLTLEY vanished, other than my love of bright coloured clothes, but even then, that has been toned right down. This may be down to losing my only job of 9 years, my huge increase of seizures or my medications or my depression/anxiety or a huge mixing pot of all the above.
Iv easily lost 80% of my friendship groups and spend the vast majority of my time sat at home in my room thinking about how much of a burden I have become to everyone around me. I mentally link a lot of this to being overweight, perhaps then I will feel more attractive and desired (here’s to hoping). I’m sure this isn’t the case, but its where my mind lies. My appetite has taken a huge nose dive the past 3 months or so due to medication change, to the point I currently average 1 proper meal every 2/3 days. This isn’t through conscious choice, I’m not sure whether it is 100% due to my medication or a subconscious wanting to lose weight to feel better about myself. It’s been awhile since I have been diagnosed with something, so I’m sure Anorexia is next on the list.
I’m waiting for another course of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which is therapy based more at the current situation than dealing with problems in the past. I’m hoping (praying) this will help me more in coming out of my shell again and learn how to be around other people better than I am currently. Unfortunately, like everything else I currently have going on I have very little faith in anything changing at all.
I guess that is part of the problem with all invisible illnesses, because nobody can see anything is wrong, even people that are aware of the situation, it’s almost like living a double life in that there is the version of yourself that everybody can see, and the version of yourself where you know and only you know 100% of the issue.
That is another part of the reason of this forum. On a more personal note, it tells all my family and friends what is happening in my mind, all of the time, and it is exhausting.
Iain x
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YANA :: Me :: A background of myself
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